Thursday night on BHN was great fun, we talked to Craig Renney about an earthquake that had just happened in Wellington going on to discuss why Minister Simeon Brown has the time in his busy schedule to troll Craig on X, we looked at HDPA interviewing Chloe Swarbrick and how the ZB host seemed so offended at people with serious mental health issues, living on our streets were “shouty” and should probably be locked up overnight. We saw Nicola Willis on Big Hairy Herald blaming everyone she could, other than her government, for the unemployment and of course, as it was a Thursday, we spent time laughing at Chris Bishop’s interactions with Kieran Brown on Breakfast.
A full, lively show with lots of interactions with the audience and attempts to keep Chewie from blasting off with frustration…and all of this, in the grander scheme of things is really unimportant.
My 19-year-old daughter came home on Friday and told me very clearly that she had something to say, and that “Dad you can’t react, just say ‘ok’ and leave it” I didn’t promise that and anticipated some teen drama about to unfold.
Then she told me that someone she was close with at school, someone she maybe didn’t see much now, but was someone she loved and still had in her life periferies committed suicide on Thursday night.
While we were laughing at Nicola Willis, being pious about the right in politics and identifying all their failings, telling our audience about our next merch drop and upcoming Christmas party, this poor child was at a place in their life to decide it’s not worth it anymore and made the final, ultimate, decision.
When my 19-year-old told me this, I did reacted, I grabbed her and hugged her and said “that’s so sad” and we both cried.
This kid had had a hard life, there was not much that had gone well for her, we’d hear the stories, and we’d ask how we could help…which we couldn’t…and life obviously became too much for them.
It made me think about how we all have things we cannot control in our lives.
The ones that are positives are considered ‘privileges’ the negative ones are ‘mountains to climb’ but things outside our control do, and will impact us throughout our life.
Then I came across this video
I’m sure you’ve seen it all before, but it’s one of the best examples I have seen when it comes to how privilege can set you up to win in life when perhaps you aren’t the most qualified, when you aren’t the most skilled, when you aren’t the smartest…when you aren’t the fastest but never has it been truer than, as Barry Switzer said
“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.”
For those of you nonsporting analogy people, third base is where you end up when the batter, faces the pitcher in baseball or softball, hits it well enough to run past first and second base to end up on third. However, some people born on third base think they have done all the work of someone “hitting a triple” yet though literally zero effort and work are at the same place as those who have.
I remember in the 1990s listening to a youth worker who decided to spend a Friday night catching up on paperwork rather than spending it with the young people in the South Auckland suburb in which he worked. Sadly, that night, a teenager took their life and the guilt that the youth worker had when thought about himself choosing to do something far less important on that night, as opposed to spending his time with the young people in his area,
Two Sunday’s ago, my 19-year-old messaged me and told me if I didn’t come to see her at her work then “you hate me”…yes, she has inherited some of that dark humour from her dad, and I was heading home, and messaged her saying I couldn’t make it…that wasn’t true, I just didn’t prioritise seeing her at work over me relaxing on a Sunday night…then the small voice in the back of my head said “how many kids today do you think are asking their dads to come see them at work?” and so I turned around, my Sunday Night Subway getting colder, and went to see her because the little voice was right. It was the 19-year-old version of a 2-year-old wanting to have dad put their painting on the fridge and it was lovely, she even gave me a big hug when I left which I’m not sure was staff protocol…but whatever…and I made a decision that from now on, if I can, I will.
I’m not trying to be any kind of example here, far from it, I’m not clout chasing off a terrible, horrible tragedy…I just wanted to say two things.
Please be aware that the people around you may not have the same opportunities as you, may not have had the same chances as you, may not have had as good a life as you, they might not even be on the field of play to attempt to hit a triple while you are sitting there based on decisions and choices you didn’t make. They may be hurting, they may be needing, they may be wanting to have someone reach out, speak out, or just put down the paperwork and hang out.
And secondly, if your kid asks, and you actually can…then say “Yes!”
Oh, and just one more thing…fuck you Christopher Luxon and your Government for not funding places that deal with young people’s mental health…fuck you for not funding Lifeline to be a full 24 hour service and as dramatic as it sounds, your decisions to find money for landlords will end up costing lives and fuck you for that.
Pat
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